Monday, January 31, 2011

The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior... reasons why am a Gideon.

  A few weeks ago I realized how much of a Gideon I am, but now I realize my situation is getting more like his every day.  This man was hiding from his enemy, doing necessary chores in miserable conditions in order to survive.  He was going about these tasks day in and day out hoping for something better.  He was just working when the angel of the Lord appears to him.  Yeah, not just any angel, the angel of the Lord.  That's kind of something that doesn't happen everyday.  Not only does the angel appear to him, the angel says "the Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior".  I think if there was any time that Gideon was feeling less like the Lord was with him, let alone that he is mighty warrior, it was probably right then.  The angel then goes on to remind Gideon what God is capable of.  Gideon pleads with the angel, saying, "how can I save Israel? my [family] is the weakest int he whole land, and I am the least out of all of them".
  Gideon doubted that he could do anything.  But what he didn't know was that he wasn't the one that would go on to defeat his people's enemies, even with incredible odds against him, but it was God fighting for him.  Gideon obeyed.  He went on even though he trembled in fear.  God blessed him because of that.  God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.
  I may tremble in fear when I look at the future, but I trust that God has great plans for me. I may question and need to be reminded of what God has protected me from, what He has delivered me from and spared me the heartache of.  I trust that he will give me the best.  He has already taken me farther than I ever thought I would go.  Because of that, I know that He wont stop now.                      
(Judges 6-7) (Genesis 28:15) (Psalms 13:5-6) (Proverbs 16:3)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Climbing this Mountain

My biggest fear in life is being in high places. I don't think its so much being somewhere high as much as it is being in a position where it is so easy to fall.  Right now as I fill out FAFSA and college applications all alone, I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff about to plunge to my death any second.  This is honestly one of the scariest places I've ever been.  I feel so scared knowing that anything I do wrong now could be with me for the rest of my life.  If I accrue any debt through this process its mine and nobody else's.  I feel like I am an inexperienced beginner attempting to climb Mt.Everest alone. I feel like I'm twenty thousand feet up and I realize the funny feeling like I forgot something this morning was because I'm not wearing a harness.  I need someone to help me. I need someone to have me on belay, someone to show me where to hold on to so I don't fall.